Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Getting Back In Shape. UGGGHHH

I'm trying this new being healthy thing. HA.

But seriously, apart from last night's Taco Bell binge (let's not talk about it), I've been trying really hard to eat right and go to the gym. Now, if you know me even a little bit, you could probably guess that I actually HATE going to the gym because it's so boring. Plus I completely lack motivation. This time around, though, I've set a couple of goals. The most immediate goals: general overall improvement of health, and a rockin' beach bod. By August I'd like to successfully complete a 5k obstacle course, and then we'll see where I am.

Tonight I had a brilliant idea: kettlebell. So I went to a kettlebell class with my mom and her friend... now, first of all, they're hilarious. I think I spent more time laughing at them than I did paying attention to the instructor. Secondly, I never expected to do that many squats in 45 minutes. EVER. Now take about 78765757708766 squats and do them while lifting a weight, even if it's only 10 pounds, into various positions. Eeeuugghhh. It actually wasn't all that bad, except for the fact that my knees are garbage and my dumb ass decided to run a mile and a half in straight "Level 3 Cardio" mode on the elliptical and power walk/jog another half mile or so on a treadmill before taking the class. Even still, I don't think the class itself is enough of a workout, so a little time on a treadmill or elliptical is probably a good idea in order to maximize the effect.

It was an overall good gym experience tonight, but there's still a long road ahead. Eyes on the prize, right?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

If You Asked Me Six Months Ago...

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS HONEST BUT OCCASIONALLY VULGAR LANGUAGE. If you asked me six months ago where I thought I'd be in life right now, I'd have told you this:
"For starters, I will be weeks away from graduating from college with a degree in communications. I will be on the hunt for a job that doesn't involve a purple button-down or a yellow polo, and certainly doesn't require me to wear an apron. I will still be with the love of my life, and we'll be looking for a place together. My health will finally be under control and my life will no longer be controlled by my headaches. I will be well on my way to being a successful adult, and with everything finally in order, I will be happy."

But life's a bitch and that's not how things worked out.

See, over the last six months, the following have happened:
I got hit by a car; my migraines changed and got worse; I left the study abroad program and returned to the good ol' US of A early; the "love of my life" and I had a shitty breakup and haven't spoken since; I found out about some things I wish I didn't and it ruined my opinion of and relationship with some people; Richmond wouldn't allow me to finish my classes at URI (therefore losing 10 of last semester's credits); I was forced to take a medical leave from school for this semester; I've been struggling with my health; I changed stores and positions to eliminate stress and ended up gaining it in other areas; I entered a new relationship and realized rather quickly that it was not for me; I lost one of my closest friends.

Just for starters.

Naturally, then, you can see why I'd be a little frustrated and discouraged about my current state of being. I should be graduating right now, not slaving away at a job that hardly pays the bills. I should be in a healthy relationship with someone who loves me, not choosing to be single because I'm bitter for having been fucked over and then later fucking up something else because I'm too fucked in the head. I shouldn't be concerned about my health and swallowing a handful of pills before bed every night, with the hope that maybe someday I won't feel so shitty. Every morning when I wake up I make a conscious effort to smile and I choose to have a positive attitude, but you know, it's really fucking hard sometimes. When it comes down to it, life really isn't that bad - and it's certainly better than the lives of many around the world - but it's frustrating and discouraging to think of where I should be in relation to where I am, especially when I see other people graduating and getting married and having babies and doing all those sorts of things. That's not to say I want to be married and having children right now, 'cause I think I'd rather have my eyes pecked out by seagulls, but the point is that I'd really like to just go for a while without any major hurdles.

So here's the new plan: let's just go with the flow. So what if I have to graduate on time? As it turns out, I am human. And I've decided that I'm definitely going to go to some sort of culinary school for baking and pastry. We'll see what happens with work. Maybe I'll become less bitter about men and allow myself to fall in love again. Who knows? Life has a funny way of working itself out; from past experiences, I've learned that though life may throw us curveballs and we often find ourselves discouraged or disappointed because we're not where we thought we'd be, but after all is said and done, everything turns out better than we planned.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" - Helen Keller

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Rant About The World

Sometimes the world really makes me sad, and the last few days I've had a really heavy heart and soul. Maybe part of it is the dreary weather and the stress at work, but I know that at least part of it has to do with the things I've seen. I've witnessed far too many people being flat-out horrible recently, and it bothers me.

We know the name of the vagrant who hangs out in the plaza begging for money and spending it on lottery tickets, but there really is not a need to make a Facebook profile for him. He's a human being, too, no matter how seldom he bathes or what sort of nonsense he yells in your general direction as you cross the parking lot, and he should be treated like one. The same goes for the elderly man in the mart cart who may come off as kind of a jerk, beeping at you to move out of his way and beckoning for assistance for the most asinine things. He might be a little rough around the edges, but he's still human, just like you and I. It's vitally important to see everyone as an equal, whether they're a vagrant or a grumpy old man or even a mentally challenged person in need of assistance. Every person deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, and it truly bothers me when I see someone whose fundamental rights as a person are being violated.

In a similar way, the current state of being for the majority of the world is horrifying to me. You should never have to worry going to bed at night that when you wake up in the morning, your world could be turned completely upside-down. The people of Japan are still identifying the bodies of lost loved ones in bowling allies and moving buried bodies from mass graves to crematories for a proper ceremony. The fact that these people even have to go through this because of a natural disaster is awful, but can you imagine how you would feel if one of your loved ones was killed and buried seven or eight deep in a grave made to hold a couple thousand bodies? I can't. As if that's not enough, what about Libya? Egypt? The Middle East? Many of the things that you and I take for granted are so frequently luxuries to people in other parts of the world, and to me, that's difficult to swallow.

I really just find the current state of the world appalling, particularly in the way in which people have seemingly lost the value of human life. It's unreal to me that most people can't understand that everyone deserves to be treated equally and with the utmost respect. Vagrants, grumpy old men, criminals, people with special needs, and people from all other walks of life are just like you and I, and that's the most important thing to remember.