Saturday, May 8, 2010

I Could Really Use A Wish Right Now...

Well, hello there, summer. How nice of you to show up.

I feel like summer is slapping me in the face. Classes are over. I have no reason to step foot on campus until next January when I start the Spring semester. Italy is just fourteen and a half weeks away. Bartending classes start Monday. It has been absolutely beautiful out for the last couple of days. And yet, I am overcome with sadness and cannot wrap my head around it.

Perhaps it's nothing more than the three papers that need to be written and posted on Sakai before it's "offically" summer. Or perhaps it's simply that I'm exhausted and adjusting to living back at home with my family. But I think it has a lot to do with leaving a store I absolutely love working at to go work at a store that I can tolerate, spending next to no time with the man I love, and counting down the days until my boyfriend and best friend in the whole wide world up and leave for a few months. I'm proud of both of them and I love them both more than they know, and perhaps this is selfish of me, but I'm crushed that they're both leaving. Yes, I know I still have my Biff and I still have my (best)friend to make poor life decisions with and I still have my family and a number of other close friends who will be here for the summer. I love this fact. I do not, however, love that I won't be sleeping next to the man I love or lighting shit on fire, eating sherbert (and other unhealthy things), and watching shows like "Minute To Win It" with my "husband." I know that it's better for them that they go and do the things they need to do, interning and making names for themselves. I love that the two people closest to me are following their dreams and doing things they absolutely love. They have been presented with incredible opportunities and they would be insane to pass them up. But it's times like right now when I'm all alone at the wee hours of the morning that I realize how much I love them and how much I'm going to miss them. It kills me when I can't see Derek for a week at a time, and I hate when life gets in the way of hanging out with Matt for a period of time. But if I miss them this much being so close to them physically and having the opportunity to see them, realistically, as often as I want, how exactly will I be feeling a month or two from now when I'm overworked and overtired, wide awake in the wee hours of the morning because I can't sleep from having too much on my mind?

I consider myself to be a strong young woman. I love my life and I'm confident in my ability to be successful and happy while consistently surrounding myself with incredible people who make life just a little sweeter. I know I'll get through it, and I know that the days will fly by and I'll see them both in due time. I know I'll be just fine when I'm with Lisa or Jon or Alyssa. But I also know that when everyone else is fast asleep and dreaming of all the wonderful things in their lives, I'll be lying wide awake, counting the bumps on the ceiling and listening to the hum of the fan while I try to wish myself where they are. But please, don't feel bad for me. I wouldn't have it any other way (unless I could be with them, of course). It's only one summer. We have Italy, and then we have next year. It will all be just fine.

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