Friday, July 16, 2010

I'm Not Myself Tonight

When did I become the girl who lost her cool over a snide comment or passed judgment? When did I become physically repulsed by all the things I used to love, especially food? When did I lose my desire to do things? It seems like the only thing I still love is baking. I have no desire to do anything but sleep, bake, and watch TV. I don't want buffalo wings or cheez-its. I don't want to be around people and I don't feel like taking photos. I'm touchy and oversensitive. The smallest things crawl under my skin and make me want to either rip your head off or cry. How did this even happen? This isn't who I am... I'm that crazy bitch who gets excited over everything. I like to make cookies and cakes, but I like to eat them too. I like to take pictures and I love to argue. But right now... I don't feel like I even have the energy to disagree, even if I feel strongly about the issue. I'm stuck in a funk and I hate all of this. Since when don't baking and writing make me feel better?

I'm hoping that all of this is tied in to feeling sick the last few days. I'm always more sensitive when I'm not feeling well. And I hope that a weekend with the love of my life will bring be back to where I need to be... but until then, I'm going to have to wait it out and try to pick myself up, since there really isn't anyone nearby to give me a hand. And you know what? That's the hardest part.

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